Day Skipper

For the first time in a very long time, I actually made a day of it when doing a mystery shop. The other day I visited Skipton, just desperate to get out of the house, to earn very little money. I was expecting the usual ‘train journey – shop – train home’ routine, but with a glorious stoke of luck, it turned out to be quite a good day.

Due to my internet being cut off at home, I was forced in the morning to head to the university library to enquire about potential shops to do that day. Since the end of exams, I had promised myself never to set foot in the libraries at Leeds for 18 months, so I felt rather dishonoured breaking my Lent so early on.

Success! I bagged a visit to Skipton, and off I went. Nothing much really happened on the way there, as I was buried in a volume of light reading. However, three things did amuse me once in the supermarket during my shop. The first one concluded an idea I’ve had for a while: that people are happy to make acquaintances, but only when it suits them. As I walked down the frozen food aisle, two old women passed each other, going in opposite directions. A hasty “Hi” protruded from both mouths, and one of the women stopped in order to transform this greeting into a proper conversation. In return, the other woman just walked on by, head held high. Chatting in a supermarket to this particular lady just didn’t suit her mood. The poor other woman was left to recollect her rejection, and move on into the tinned goods aisle.

The second and third interesting things happened when I was queuing to pay for my food. In front of me were an elderly couple. I looked at what they had on the conveyor belt: six packs of jelly and two litres of UHT milk. They were up for a right night. I was about to ponder further into what this lethal combination of consumables could amount to, when I heard a shriek that echoed throughout the store: “Come on Graham!” I don’t know why, but it amused me…

What made this visit particularly special was the coincidence that three friends (that again cannot be named for complicated legal reasons) also happened to be in Skipton that day. After half an hour trying to find them, I met them outside the local Oxfam in the town centre. I noticed on the window of the Oxfam a sign: ‘All clothes – half price sale’. Now, at what point does anyone think ‘well, I would shop at Oxfam, but it’s a little bit too pricey for my liking’? The price of the goods surely isn’t the reason why they’re not selling. In my opinion, they should get some better quality stock in…

The four of us, after finally meeting up, went for lunch by the canal. While sitting there mauling a four-pack of chocolate muffins, a beautiful event in nature was occurring. I am talking, of course, about… duck foreplay. A lady duck was perched on the edge of the canal. A man duck had noticed this, and thought he had a chance. The little pecker jumped out of the water, and began grooming himself near the female. When her head was turned, he actually slowly waddled sideways in her direction, to get near to her without her noticing. I was so sweet to see this guy trying his hardest to look cool but not too pushy. As we left, they swam away together on the canal. I suppose it does pay to be the nice guy.

Nothing much really happened after this. We went for a gander round the town and saw in a shop a bucket branded ‘The Invincible Bucket’. There was a picture on the front with a massive car on top of four buckets, as though this is meant to prove to you that this bucket is the manliest, most indestructible bucket in the world. So what do you put in a bucket? Paint, soil, and maybe water to wash the car. They should have called it ‘The Most Unnecessarily Branded Bucket Ever’.